I'm going to offer you a completely different perspective from many other posts. Sure if the idea of baby wearing appeals to you then go for it. But if the idea makes you want to scream and pull your hair out then consider another approach. Our American ideal of motherhood has the "natural" mother instinct sending her cooing and nesting with her baby. But we in America are strangely neglectful of the needs of a woman who has just grown a baby and given birth. In many cultures a woman is pampered and tended to with special care for months after growing and birthing a child. In addition, the new child is tended by extended family and community who may come and stay for long periods to help the family.

But in America it's all suddenly on a woman's shoulders. Even with involved husbands they are often seen as "good helpers" and do not have the unspoken responsiblity of being the primary caregiver.

The first months of babyhood can be really, really hard. And a second young child around mulitplies that. You might want to consider putting your kids in a nice small in home daycare and going back to work. Not everyone is good at parenting in the younger years. A dear friend of mine ( extremely nurturing, loving, and empathic) learned with her first child that she was a much better mother when she worked. She was calmer, happier, able to come home from work "kid fresh" and enjoy them. After her second child she went back to work much sooner. It was the right choice for her kids as well as for her.

You know you're dealing with depression so keep pursuing help in this area. As well as anti depressants sometimes hormones like birth control can be helpful in stablizing moods. Different progesterones can have different side effects so if you don't tolerate one then discuss with your doctor. Also, taking continuous hormones (with no period break) can help some people stablize. Everyone's different and these things can make some people worse so work with your doctors.

If the "digestion problems" you son has are related to reflux then definately consider medication for him. Untreated reflux can be very painful and good safe treatment exists. It can offer a baby huge relief and that can lead to a much happier baby. Dr. Harvey Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" can also offer life saving techniques for a fussy baby.

I personally understand your extreme sleep needs. With my twins we made my husband the primary night time parent even after he went back to work. Because of course being home with 2 young kids is much much more exhausting than going to work each day! (Althought to be clear when they were really little it was all hands on deck every night and we still borrowed money for a night nanny 3 nights a week! Twins are impossible in the early days!!) So maybe have your hubby agree to long term night time duty with kids.

If you can find any help in these crazy covid times ask for it. We all need help. Ask for it. Be clear that you are feeling truly desperate and angry towards your baby. Then people will really understand and help.

Remember that "this too shall pass." Life will get better. Your hormones will settle down. Your anti depressants will kick in. Your son will grow and change weekly. And if the structure of your life is not working right now remember that you can change it. Invite family to move in. Move in with you in-laws. Go back to work or stay home and spend saturdays on a hobby away from kids. (if you can handle the kids alone then so can daddy!)

There's also one trick from cognitive therapy that might help you. We all have conversations with ourselves in our heads. There's that little dialogue that goes on through the day. If we recongnize that voice then sometimes we can tweak the dialogue to help us. So if you find yourself thinking of your son, "Aaarg! I hate him!" Then stop yourself and repeat. "I don't hate him. I hate my situation. I hate feeling stuck. I hate feeling lost. I hate feeling helpless. Heck, I don't even know HIM yet. How can I hate him if I don't know him? These feelings are not for him they are for something else that is upsetting me."

Little by little this kind of conversation with yourself can help you calm down, keep the option of love open, understand your own real and reasonable needs, and get you through the tough early months.

You're deep in the hardest days. Be as kind and gentle with yourself as you can. Parenthood takes tremendous courage but remember no parent is an island. Many have gone before so seek out that help.

Take care and I hope this helps a bit.