Nazis Weren’t Born from Jails. They Were Your Neighbors.

What I Learned From My German Mother-In-Law.

Lenni

She was barely into her twenties when the Nazi groups began to come into real power in Germany. Slowly the ideals and beliefs of the group would spread around her.

Lenni came from a family of intellectuals. Both her parents were educated. Her father taught at University. There were books and conversations. They were catholic, but not especially adherent.

She was in her late 80’s when I first met her. Long and lanky, fidgety and full of nervous energy, she lived in Oakland with her husband. Despite encroaching frailty, they both marched in anti-war protests, and Lenni was active in The Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom.

But whenever the topic came up, she wanted people to understand one thing that she thought was very important. She wanted everyone to know who it was that turned to the Nazi movement as it spread thru her town.

It was not that all the thugs and criminals and thieves turned into Nazis and took control of everyone else. No, she said. It was her neighbors. It was the kids she’d gone to school with. It was the families they had talked and laughed with over the years. Up and down the street some embraced the Nazi beliefs and others did not. But they were everyday people, just like us.

She seemed to want us all to step outside our homes and look up and down our own street and imagine. Imagine that half your neighbors had come to rationalize fascism.

Thankfully, Lenni never saw the rise of the Trump cult. I suspect she would have been yelling warnings from every roof top. In the end, Alzheimer’s Disease would steal away Lenni’s memories in a long slow decline.

But she stirred questions in me.

Genocide

When studying genocide, historians and sociologist often look at cultural characteristics and events of the time. They hope to find the root cause of this re-occurring human atrocity in poverty, job loss, economic disparity, authoritarian attitudes, hunger, limited resources and other cultural pressures. But everyone on Lenni’s street was living in the same culture with the same economic environment. Pre-WWII Germany was a caldron of trying times and upheaval. But while some Germans and others from around the world, were swayed by Nazi fervor… others in the same situation, were not.

So, why does one family become Nazis when their neighbors do not? Why does a family split with some individuals turning over Jews to the Gestapo while their own siblings are hiding Jews in attics? Psychologists have looked at the “personalities” of perpetrators, bystanders, and rescuers.[i] They find that perpetrators and more passive bystanders both tend to have an “us vs. them” view of the world. Rescuers and resisters however, tend to view themselves as part of a global community. But why? Why do some people see an outsider when others just see a neighbor? What is really at the core of who becomes a Nazi? Is it some genetic personality variation or is it something else? There are of course those who go along with these kinds of horrors out of fear for their own lives. But there are also those who start the movement. Join the movement. Become true believers. Who joins the Khmer Rouge? Who burns the Rohingya families alive in their homes?

This, in my mind, is the real question. If the Nazis are born amongst our neighbors and our own kin, if they are in many ways just like us then what determines who becomes a Nazi and who does not?

I don’t think it has to do with culture or history or events except in a secondary way. Those things are precursors that set up an environment which stresses people, but how they respond is not due to culture. No, this comes down to the individual. And it’s very important to understand this. Because despite our promise to never forget, despite our hopes to never again repeat the horrific atrocities of the past, we humans do in fact repeat them again and again. Cambodia, Croatia, Myanmar, indigenous Amazonians, and the worldwide rise in right wing exclusionary beliefs all point to the on-going human flaw that can lead to mind shattering atrocity.

I think that the core issue all comes down to whether any given individual has a basic sense of an internal locus of control or an external one.

Internal Locus of Control

So, what does that mean? People who go through life with an internal locus of control will generally feel like they have basic power over their destiny. If they are successful, they see how their own efforts helped them, and if they are unsuccessful they look for things they can do to improve their situation. They may be poor or struggling with racism or sexism. They may be regularly confronted with very unfair challenges. They may be well aware of outside forces that buffet them in their journey. Nevertheless, they have at their core a basic sense of self-efficacy and self-determinism.

An internal locus of control has profound effects on how you see the world and others. If you live life with the idea that how you succeed is something you have power to affect then you are less inclined to feel threatened by the world. The whole world can become your community and all of humanity your tribe. You will identify with the suffering of others. Thus, the whole world and all of humanity also become your responsibility.

External Locus of Control

When we have a more external locus of control, we believe that outside forces like fate, god, or circumstances are responsible for our own life’s outcome. We tend to feel the outside world is dangerous. Fear of things and people beyond our control can begin to guide our beliefs about other people. This fear of the different and dangerous outsider can lead to an “us against them mentality.” To feel safe, people with an external locus of control, will pull “their own” inside the walls while the zombie hordes roam destruction outside their zone of safety. In hard times, this can become the slippery slope that leads one set of people to look at another set of people and to mentally marginalize them. Then slowly they dehumanize them in their minds. Once the mind sees them as inhuman zombies then genocide becomes rationalized.

If this is true. If Lenni was right that Nazis came from everyday people. If this means that when studying genocide, we must not stop at social and political stressors. If that means we must also ask what makes an individual choose dehumanization and genocide. If the answer is a basic external locus of control. Then we need to ask what we can do about this?

Well the Danes may have something to teach us, and it all comes down to a bit of intentional parenting.

But first, we must ask whether internal vs. external locus of control is a sort of “temperament” that we are born with or is it a learned attitude? Frankly, I don’t think we have a definitive answer on this, and most likely it’s a bit of both. One thing we do know, however, is that studies that look at locus of control in America have shown a dramatic decline in the number of people with internal locus of control. In a 2004 meta-analysis of past studies, authors Twenge, Zhang, and Im, found that children and college students in 1960 were 80 percent more likely to show signs of internal locus of control than the same age kids from 2002.[ii] This suggests a significant increase in the number of people living life in America with the perspective of an external locus of control. So, there has been a large increase in the number of Americans who don’t feel they have control over their own destiny.

Can we influence the development of an internal locus of control? I believe we certainly can.

According to Jessica Alexander and Iben Sandahl, the Danes know a thing or two about raising kids. They wrote The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids. Nurturing an internal locus of control is apparently part of what many Danish parents naturally do when raising their children, and they do it in several ways.

Free Play

The first way is to give a child space and time to play without excessive intervention. “In Denmark, parents try to not intervene unless it’s absolutely necessary. They trust their young children to be able to do and try new things and give them space to build their own trust in themselves.” “Giving this space…allows children to develop both competence and confidence in their internal locus of control because they feel they are in charge of their own challenges and development. Children who are pushed or pulled too much risk developing an external locus of control because they aren’t controlling their development; instead, external factors are, and the foundation for their self-esteem becomes shaky.”

Finding the right balance, between supporting a child’s exploratory efforts and leaving them alone to figure things out, is part of this picture. But so too is the simple act of giving the child time to play freely. Children learn to cope with stress, social pressures, and unexpected challenges through play experiences. They also learn how to manage fear and solve social conflict. The more they successfully negotiate conflicts with friends the more they get to play. So, they learn to work things out.

Reframing

Another parenting approach that helps nurture an internal locus of control is called “reframing.” In this the Danes reportedly “use language to create a perception shift.” A child might see a spider and say, “Eew! It’s gross and scary!” For a Danish parent this is an opportunity to reframe this perception of spiders as scary. They might say, “Well it is pretty big, but it’s sitting happily on its own web. It can’t hurt someone as big as you. And look at those beautiful yellow stripes on its legs. Look at the sparkly dew drops on its web. Spiders can be truly wonderful.” This is reframing. This is offering another view or perspective on the same thing or situation. “With practice, finding these alternative story lines becomes a skill, not a struggle.” “They (the Danes) teach their children this invaluable skill.” “And being a master reframer is a cornerstone of resilience.”[iii]

Reframing is not about painting glowy, unrealistic pictures of the world. No. But it does tend to lead people towards a realistic optimism. And if you are going to face the challenges of the world with an internal locus of control then you might want to bring along that resilience and a bit of realistic optimism. You know, for when the days are not so easy and the realities of life are challenging.

Because, you see, there’s one more elephant in the genocide room, and we need to give it voice.

The Elephant in America’s Room.

If young Americans are feeling more and more helpless, if they are more and more convinced that they do NOT control their fate, then we need to know why. Certainly, the American loss of free, unstructured, and child initiated play will have had a big effect on many children.

But the inconvenient truth that many Americans don’t want to face is that there are many things in life that we can’t control. And there are many things we must live with that have a huge effect on our quality of life. In America if you get sick or injured and don’t have health insurance then …your life just got royally screwed. If you can’t afford to live in a good school district then …your kid’s education just got royally screwed. If the only job in town just rolled up shop, and left you unemployed, and you’re the only one taking care of mom and dad, your kids and your brother’s kids, and you can’t leave town because you couldn’t afford a new place for everyone to live…well then, you’re royally screwed.

And of course, if you lived in Finland instead of America, you’d have health insurance if you got sick or injured. And you’d get a stipend to live on until you were back on your feet. And you wouldn’t get screwed. If you were poor, your kids would still go to the same school that rich kids go to because there are no private schools in Finland. Which means all public schools are good. Which means your child’s education wouldn’t get screwed just because you were poor. If you lived in Finland then your parents would be supported and cared for in their own home and wouldn’t get screwed when they were old and retired from the work of building their country. If you lived in Finland or any of a long list of other countries, all the children you care for would get great schooling and after school programs and chances for free play or great neighborhood daycare if they were little. Which would leave you free to look for new work, a new place to live, new training so that you’d have half a chance to build a good life for your family and yourself. And you wouldn’t get screwed by a system that protected the rich and placated mega conglomerates.

Sigh. So, the whole thing is complicated. But that’s the truth of life. It’s messy. It doesn’t fit nicely into concise and trite little paragraphs for quick sound bites.

The truth is…

The truth is that what gets us to genocide is multi-faceted. External locus of control, “us vs them” thinking, tribalism, and gross disparity of resources and opportunity all play a part in raising the specter of righteous strongmen whether left wing or right wing.

That which keeps genocide and isolationism at bay is also multi-faceted. Individually, an internal locus of control leads us to a world view that is inclusive and wards off “us vs. them” thinking. At the same time social constructs like free healthcare, free good education, childcare, elder care, and unemployment assistance can create true equity in the world. And equity of resources and opportunity, wards off hopelessness while nurturing the freedom of self-determination…which is the essence of having an internal locus of control.

In America Today Fear Is Our Commonality.

So, what happens when an internal locus of control comes up against systemic repression? If you have at your core, an internal locus of control, but live in an environment in which things far beyond your control are defeating you, then how do you handle this contradiction? I suspect there are two extremes. One is revolution. If the world is broken then internal locus of control people are going to set out to fix it…for everyone.

The other extreme is depression and despair. If you are constantly confronted with your own inability to make your life better, when at your core you feel you “should” be able to do so, then for some people this can end in a sense of failure. And when our core belief of self-efficacy unravels then you may be left with hopelessness. Is this perhaps part of our opioid epidemic? As the systems and governance of our country have protected businesses and failed the everyday person, as the systemic racism, sexism, and workerism has tightened its grip, as jobs moved and wages dropped, as upward mobility evaporated, as the playing field has tipped more and more in favor of the rich, have we driven some of our own citizens to a despair smothered in narcotics and methamphetamines?

Meanwhile, those with an external locus of control feel the same threat. They too fear for their future and their children’s lost dreams, and so they turn inward. Pulling in the walls, identifying with the strong man, seeking support within a narrow selected few, using religion and race, gun rights and common identity to fortify themselves against people they fear. They create imagined safety across a wall of perceived difference.

So, perhaps in reality our Trumpites and our Black Lives Matter protesters have more in common than we might think. Both are reacting to living in a country where the obstacles to a free and prosperous life have become enormous. One side fears for our future and believes that building a wall thousands of miles long will protect us from the dangers of the world. The other side fears for our future and seeks to change the systems and rules and governance that have made life so difficult for everyone. Both fear for their children’s future.

So, how do we change course away from the social turmoil, away from us vs. them attitudes, away from the yawning abyss that in America seems so much closer than before?

Healing the American divide.

For America we can look to the Nordic countries. While we were busy fighting the Cold War, attempting to hold communism at bay, and trying to police the world, many of the Nordic nations have been free to develop a style of democracy aimed at broadly defined individual freedoms and quality of life. They have outpaced us in creating free and just societies with equity and the freedoms which that equity creates. They have developed governments focused on quality of life for all citizens. With robust capitalism, support for entrepreneurship, and support for industry all balanced with protections for the common citizen.

They have learned to use universal healthcare, free education, paid parental leave, elder care, and an economic safety net to balance the potential evils of unfettered capitalism. This is not communism. This is not even socialism. This is the deep embracing of the belief in the value of individual freedom and democracy. It is the deep belief that it is for the purpose of protecting these individual “freedoms that governments are instituted among men.”

If we in America can set our ego aside, and learn a bit about protecting individual freedoms from the Nordic nations then we might be able to let Americans again know the freedom of self-determination. From there we get back to an American population with an internal locus of control and the real freedom to use it. From there we step back from the brink.

Healing humanity’s genocide problem.

As for helping humanity with its genocide problem, we can spread the gospel of internal locus of control parenting. We can export it as we once did the concepts of democracy and human rights. And we can nurture it in ourselves, in daycares, in homes, in schools, and businesses. We can stop placing the anxiety of adults on the shoulders of children. Stop pushing them and let them evolve and grow through free play as they are programed to do. We can practice and teach reframing to our children and to ourselves.

If we can teach these things then perhaps we will build a world in which people respond to inequity and injustice by seeing common suffering that needs to be fixed for everyone. Perhaps we can move closer to an inclusive global community that looks out for everyone’s needs. Perhaps we can finally steer clear of genocide.

I think Lenni would like that.

* For more on how to propagate ideas like internal locus of control in other cultures, read about Molly Melching and how she accomplishes so much with Tostan. However Long the Night, by Amiee Molloy.

* For more on how Nordic countries protect individual freedoms, read The Nordic Theory of Everything: in Search of a Better Life, by Anu Partanen.

* For more on Danish parenting read The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know about Raising Confident, Capable Kids, By Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Sandhal.

* For more about issues of division in today’s America look for my next article coming soon: Red And Blue: What We Have In Common…It’s More Than You Think.

[i] Cracking the Code of Genocide: The Moral Psychology of Rescuers, Bystanders, and Nazis during the Holocaust,Kristen Renwick Monroe, Political Psychology, Vol. 29, №5 (Oct., 2008), pp. 699–736 (38 pages)

[ii] It’s Beyond My Control: a Cross-Temporal meta-analysis of Increasing externality in Locus of Control 1960–2002. Jean Twenge, Liqing Zhang, and Charles Im. Personality and Social Psychology Review 8, no. 3 (2004): 308–19.

[iii] The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know about Raising Confident, Capable Kids, By Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Sandhal.